Remembering a friend

This year the sparkle of the holidays had already dimmed for me. Caring full-time for a parent with Alzheimer’s disease can drain a person’s health, energy, enthusiasm . . . even life. Add to that a son in prison and not being able to be with my grandchildren at Christmas and I wanted to skip December altogether.

Then I learned that a good friend from my past had died a few months ago. It didn't seem possible he was gone. Brian Ollman was full of life--just 40 years old, a loving husband and father of three young, adorable children.

Personally, he was a good friend to me when I went through some of my most frightening and difficult moments as the single mother of a meth addict.

Brian understood because he had been there. He was open about his drug past, and I remember the Sunday he spoke at church and candidly shared his own story of redemption.

Brian was there for my family the night I told my son he had to leave my home when he was just 18, because he continued to use drugs. Brian gave my son a place to stay as long as he attended school and stopped using.

Brian was there with me the evening the police searched my house. One of my son’s friends had made some improbable claims and they needed to follow up. Brian insisted I shouldn’t go through that alone. He was right and I was grateful for his presence.

And Brian was with me the Easter Sunday we went to visit my son at the California state prison where he was incarcerated about 12 years ago. We had arrived by 6:00 a.m. to assure we would be allowed to visit later that morning. It wasn’t long until I noticed flashing lights--none I had ever seen before. In just a few minutes, the parking lot was surrounded by guards who were pointing their guns at us.

They had just stopped an escape attempt a few hundred yards away and thought someone in the visitors’ parking lot may have been involved. We were detained for hours and I was ready to leave but Brian was patient and persistent. We finally saw my son for about a half hour that afternoon.

I’m only one person who can call Brian a friend. Brian’s and Heidi’s ministry to the homeless touched many lives and whatever endeavor he was pursuing, he cared about people and their souls.

I’m sure others have expressed their grief and sadness far more eloquently than I can. My real regret is that I don't think I ever told Brian how much I had appreciated him and his friendship.

But it’s reassuring to know he’s with Jesus today, and you can be sure they’re having even more fun in heaven now that Brian’s there.

There's waiting . . . and then there's waiting

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, we’re anxiously waiting for my son to come home. He now has about 10 months left to serve in the Arizona Department of Corrections and we can hardly wait until he’s home with his family.

But if you don’t live in Arizona, you may not be aware that the state hasn’t balanced the budget for 2010 yet, and many budget cut options have been discussed in recent months. Especially for the Department of Corrections, one of the state’s largest expenses.

Some possible cost-cutting options: privatization, expansion of the state’s house arrest program, sending short-term inmates to counties to serve their sentences, closing entire facilities and various units throughout the state, and rewriting the sentencing code to reduce sentences and allow for early releases.

Other states are facing the same dilemma and the Pew Center on the States has released an updated report, The Fiscal Crisis in Corrections: Rethinking Policies and Practices. Check it out for an informative look at how states are dealing with this problem.

Two major issues are: how should Corrections deal with the recidivism problem that sends so many probationers and parolees back to prison? And release policies--how long should sentences really be?

There are no easy answers, and chances are, wherever you live, your state is facing similar challenges. The solutions have major implications for those convicted of crimes, their families, and society-at-large.

I urge you to familiarize yourself with the issues and to contact your state representatives about the situation where you live.

And while we’re anticipating my son will be home in about 10 months, if he were released early, it would just be an added blessing for all of us who love him and are waiting for his release.

Yes, there’s waiting and then there’s waiting.

Surprising news to some

The report headline came out about 10 days ago, and it raised some eyebrows among those who aren’t aware of the increasing problem of prescription drug poisoning.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), poisonings involving opioid analgesics now top the accidental death list, killing more people in 16 states each year than car crashes. Both the number and percentage of deaths involving opioid analgesics rose each year between 1996 and 2006.

These are drugs that are usually prescribed to relieve pain and include methadone (used to treat heroin addiction as well as pain), other opioids such as Vicodin, oxycodone and hydrocodone, and synthetic narcotics fentanyl and propoxyphene.

In 2006, the rate of poisoning deaths involving these drugs was more frequent for males, persons aged 35 to 54, and non-Hispanic whites than for those in other racial or ethnic groups.

If you have a loved one who takes this category of medication for short-term or long-term pain problems, you have every right to be concerned for their well-being.

Mix these drugs with alcohol and you have a funeral waiting to happen.

Read the report here. Talk with them and to your medical practitioner about ways they can better manage the pain.

It happened in our family many years ago, and the sadness over this loss has never left us. If you’ve lived through the experience of losing a loved one to opioid poisoning, share your wisdom here. We would all appreciate hearing from you.

The longest year yet

Or will it be the shortest?

My son has passed the one-year mark and we’re overjoyed that we can now say he has “LESS THAN ONE YEAR” to serve of his two-and-a-half year sentence in Arizona’s Department of Corrections.

Hopefully, the days will fly by for him, his wife and daughter, and all who know and love him, and then he’ll be in the loving arms of his family.

Let’s get this out of the way first. Does he deserve to be there? Of course. His actions and choices made in the throes of his addiction determined his consequences. In fact, considering the state’s strict sentencing code that leaves no room for a judge to consider a case on its own merits, his 2.5 years are actually a lenient sentence.

But I can see how my daughter-in-law struggles with missing him as much or more now than in the early days of his incarceration. As his mother, seeing him in a prison environment is painful. But seeing what his 3-year-old daughter is feeling is far more painful.

She was just 18 months old when he went away, so she couldn’t verbalize her feelings at that time. Now she can.

At our last prison visit earlier this month, she asked, “Daddy, can you come home with me today?”

Her mom said she knows all the kids’ fathers at the day care center and wonders why her daddy can’t be there with her.

Thinking back to the early days, when I knew there was a problem but didn’t know what to do about it, I’d still like to strangle our neighborhood drug dealer.

Am I totally nuts or have you ever felt this way? When does that pain ease?

And there’s an even bigger concern. Will my son--could he--ever relapse again? Let me know about your own experiences and pain.

It’s Family Day: have dinner with your kids

Monday, September 28 has been designated Family Day 2009 to remind parents that frequent family dinners can make a big difference in their children’s lives.

For over a decade, research by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University (CASA) has shown that kids who have dinner more often with their families are less likely to drink, smoke and use drugs.

With so many activities crowding out family time these days, it’s time for parents to become more engaged in their kids’ lives. Dinner would seem to be an easy way to do just that.

Research findings are dramatic. In addition to reducing teen cigarette use, drinking and drug use, studies show that kids who regularly participate in family dinner even get better grades in school.

Read more about Family Day and the importance of family dinners in this Join Together announcement.

http://www.jointogether.org/news/yourturn/announcements/2009/teens-who-eat-dinners.html

Several new reasons to avoid binge drinking

A recent study reported by the BBC says that binge drinking weakens a person's virus- and bacteria-fighting proteins called cytokines, suppressing the immune system for as long as 24 hours.

So if you don’t want to catch the H1N1 virus (swine flu) or other types of influenza this fall and winter, avoid excessive drinking. For more details, see this update from Join Together.

More good reasons to steer clear of binge drinking? This European study concluded that it’s the binge drinking, not the amount of beer, that expands waistlines and creates a “beer belly.” And expanded waistlines put people at greater risk for diabetes and cardiovascular disease.

Finally, for the last 10 to 15 years in Great Britain, the number of oral cancer cases among middle-aged men and women has been rising dramatically. Health experts there blame binge drinking and rising alcohol consumption in the U.K., not tobacco use, as the real causes.

Score another one for rehab--and the power of prayer

We’ve had one member of our immediate family whose addiction has been in full force for the past several months. The situation had become increasingly serious, and it’s been just a matter of time until someone—maybe one of my grandchildren or a stranger in a passing car—would be injured, or worse, as our loved one drove while under the influence.

It’s been difficult to address from a position of strength, since the key person in his life has appeared to be in denial about the depth of the problem.

From other choices he’s been making, we could tell he sincerely wanted to live life differently, but it’s also obvious he doesn’t have all the necessary tools. So we’ve prayed for the right time and the right decisions. And today, the miracle happened.

He’d reached his own bottom and cried out for help, and God put the church’s new pastors and my daughter-in-law (currently in recovery) in just the right place at just the right time. Doors opened and tonight he’s in a detox facility where he’ll stay through the weekend, before going into the Salvation Army’s six-month rehab program next week.

He started using, and probably drinking, at a young age, and needs help to know how to live sober and clean. I’m grateful that this program is available to him and while it won’t be easy for the next six months, pray that everyone will understand the value as we see the changes God will bring about in his life.

That makes three family members of my immediate family engaged in active recovery at the same time. Wow.

Tonight, life seems good.

http://www1.usw.salvationarmy.org/usw/www_usw.nsf/vw-sublinks/88256D3D006526AD88256BD0007AE123?openDocument

http://technorati.com/claim/fdue6cy2ga

What an inspiration!

By now, you’ve probably heard about 21-year-old Henry Cejudo, who won a gold medal at the Olympics this week in freestyle wrestling.

He holds many distinctions—among them, he’s the youngest to ever win gold. But if you haven’t heard the rest of his story, check it out. He’s the son of illegal immigrants, raised most of his life by his mom after his dad bounced around in the jail system, no doubt a result of his substance abuse problems.

Henry spent his high school years in my new hometown, Phoenix. And despite the hardships and all he had going against him, Henry persevered, won two Arizona state titles at the high school level, and went on to capture his dream.

He’s a real inspiration to me, and certainly can be an inspiration to kids whose families have endured pain and suffering from a loved one’s substance abuse problem.

Thanks, Henry, we hope to cheer for you as you achieve even more in the future.

http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/sports/articles/2008/08/02/20080802olycejudo0803.html
http://technorati.com/claim/fdue6cy2ga

Lower drinking age—an academic issue?

There’s just no easy answer to the binge drinking problem on most college campuses today. And now, the presidents of 100 major colleges and universities are urging a “discussion” of lowering the legal drinking age from 21 to 18.

They seem to think the current age limit exacerbates the problem by pushing the drinking “underground” and making it more dangerous. But some are accusing these officials of wanting to shirk their responsibility to enforce the laws.

Then there’s the problem of a young person’s brain not being fully developed until 25. Whether the legal age is 21 or 18, the risk-taking behavior will be part of the equation.

So what do you think? Would lowering the drinking age alleviate the binge drinking on college and university campuses?

http://www.jointogether.org/news/headlines/inthenews/2008/college-leaders-seek-debate.html

http://technorati.com/claim/fdue6cy2ga

My first exposure to huffing

A recent episode of the “Intervention” series on A&E highlighted a young woman who was addicted to huffing. Since we’re accustomed to seeing needles, powder and pipes or massive numbers of bottles on this program, it was strange to see her affinity for everyday aerosol cans.

Although her drug of choice was different than those I’m more familiar with, the resulting chaos in her life looked just the same. As her loved ones watched her life waste away before their eyes, they experienced the same pain as does the family of an alcoholic or meth addict.

They felt there wasn’t much time left, and they had to take action if she were going to stay alive. It’s the way most families feel when a loved one’s addiction to alcohol or illicit drugs has deepened and the addict’s life has become a train wreck.

It was truly a case of “life or death.” Thankfully, we saw this young woman move from a position that was seriously resistant to going into treatment, to a patient who was learning and growing, more committed to the next steps in her recovery.

It gives me hope when I see the transformation that can occur. I trust you’re encouraged by these programs too.

http://ncadistore.samhsa.gov/catalog/facts.aspx?topic=5

http://technorati.com/claim/fdue6cy2ga

Mental illness and addiction are national issues

Anyone who cares about someone with a mental illness or substance abuse problem knows the difficulties it creates. Often, help just isn’t available to them and life becomes a vicious cycle.

As the national election approaches, it’s the ideal time to bring these issues to the attention of the presidential candidates. Join Together has made it easy to voice your concerns through a petition developed by the Whole Health Coalition.

If you haven’t already done so, please add your name to this petition calling on the presidential candidates and their parties to make these reforms a priority. Whole Health Campaign leaders will deliver it to the candidates and party leaders.

Don't miss this opportunity to voice your concerns about the level of care in this country for those who need help with mental health and substance abuse problems.

http://members.jointogether.org/campaign/wholehealthcampaign/

http://technorati.com/claim/fdue6cy2ga

Starting over, finally!

I owe any readers who may be left out there—and myself—a big apology. It’s been months since I’ve posted, but I think I’m finally ready to get back to adding my two-cents to issues affecting families and others who love someone suffering from substance abuse and addiction.

In the past year, many important things have come to an end: my marriage, my job, caring for a dear little girl I’ve grown to love like family, living on the East coast. On the other hand, I won’t miss driving in blizzards, scraping ice off the windshield, or shoveling the car out of the snow.

Despite the things that have come to an end, a whole new life is opening up near my family and in an area that I enjoy. But also, closer to family members who struggle with addiction—two in recovery, one still active.

We’re doing as well as can be expected with a son/husband/daddy incarcerated about 250 miles away. Because of the distance, visits usually take an entire weekend. It’s a big commitment but thankfully, he has a committed wife.

She’s working hard at her recovery too, and I know enough to know I need to take care of myself. I will come up with a plan to avoid codependency—for sure! Watch for more soon.

http://technorati.com/claim/fdue6cy2ga

Finding freedom in prison

What happened to February? It’s a real blur to me. The cross-country move during January, in a U-Haul and towing my car, went off without a hitch. We were blessed with fair weather and no mechanical problems all 2,300 miles—phew!

Then things went sideways. Just one day after arriving, my son was to have been taken into custody to begin serving time for his involvement in unlawful activity about a year ago. We thought, then everyone will be able to get on with life.

But as often happens in the justice system, a delay occurred and he had the opportunity to be “free” for another month.

That took us deep into the pit of his addiction. I was ready to dial 911 more than once. I had to choose: would I be the one to determine which day would be his last day of "freedom"?

The drama dragged on. Living under the same roof, I set my boundaries, went to a Nar-anon meeting and read literature that helped me keep my priorities straight. Harder to accept than the damaged walls and broken possessions was seeing my son imprisoned by the drug that had captured his mind and body.

Today, he’s in protective custody—in a cell 23 hours of the day, sometimes with cellmates and sometimes not. For the past ten days he’s been detoxing, reading, thinking. I could hear the difference in his voice over the phone, and then I visited with him yesterday.

Today, he is free. Without the drug, his body may be imprisoned but his mind is now free to move ahead to the future. Envisioning the kind of husband and father he wants desperately to be for his family. The kind of committed, diligent employee and future business owner he sees himself to be.

Overcoming addiction isn’t usually an easy process. It may not be an easy transition.

But I’m grateful, proud and hopeful that he is taking the first steps. Steps he’s never really taken before. As he put it, he is going to change all the things he needs to in order to become a different person and he’s going to ask God to change the rest.

That’s my prayer today too.


http://technorati.com/claim/fdue6cy2ga

Rehab and relapse . . .

Again, another new television series focusing on the problems of addiction. This time it features celebrities—some well-known names, others lesser known.

VH1 will begin airing “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew Pinsky” this coming Thursday and it may be helpful in educating the public about addiction as a life-long struggle. During the series, actor Daniel Baldwin says he’s been in rehab at least nine times. Just like the addicts in our families.

So many people don’t understand the battle. Parents and other family members do, though.

It can be so disappointing when a loved one relapses. With relapse comes a flood of memories, some of them very painful, when our child's previous drug or alcohol use had created a crisis involving their health, the well-being of family members, or the legal system that intervened. Followed by apprehension about what will happen next.

Maybe as this new series offers insight into the pain and emotional scars of these celebrities who battle their addictions, we’ll find new insight into coping with the ups and downs our own family members face. Let me know what you think.

The show debuts at 10 p.m. Thursday, January 10, on VH1.

Technorati Profile

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2008/jan/06/ba-rehab-and-relapse-go-hand-in-hand-series-shows/

Happy New Year?

Between traveling over the holidays and preparing for a cross-country move (the sixth in my lifetime!), I’ve been too busy to write. But so many thoughts have been rattling around in my head.

The new year brings with it a new phase of life. Some of us are anticipating all the good that may come with it, while others are dreading the changes that will happen.

This year will hold both sorrow and joy for my family. The consequences of addiction and relapse have been dealt out, and a price will be paid for unwise choices made while under the influence. It means change for all of us but big change for me.

After the past year which might best be described as a giant train wreck, I’m trusting that 2008 will bring good change. I’ll be able to see little ones grow, while spending more time with loved ones in recovery.

And I’m committed to maintaining balance in my own life, which will mean finding a good support group to help me make sure I don’t slip into codependency.

I'm expecting a year of adventure. What’s your plan for the new year?

Technorati Profile

Uniting to confront and contain meth

Pinal County in Arizona is facing an “extreme” methamphetamine problem, according to county officials. At the only hospital in the county, the ER usually sees two methamphetamine addicts each day. And two or three of every 10 babies born there has a mother who is addicted to methamphetamine.

Moreover, law officials estimate that 70 percent of crime in the county is directly related to methamphetamine addiction.

So the Pinal County Anti-Meth Coalition is actively working to fight the problem head-on. And they’re doing it by pulling together existing community-based drug prevention coalitions.

What a novel idea! Instead of reinventing the wheel, they’re approaching the problem by gathering together people already involved in the fight, so they can communicate and move in the same direction, together.

Bravo! Too bad more communities haven’t realized the value of this approach.

Technorati Profile

http://www.azstarnet.com/news/216357

Finding strength through support

There’s nothing like going through a crisis to make a person realize the importance of having the support of others. One’s church family can be more supportive than the birth family. And addicts and codependents who participate in 12-step recovery programs understand the need for support very well.

It’s also easier these days to find 24-hour support online—through social networks of others who share your problems, interests and values.

As this year draws to a close and my children face even more difficult days in the year ahead, I’m grateful for the support I’ve had in recent months from friends and family, nearby and across the country. I expect to turn to them in the coming months, and my shoulder will always be there for someone else to lean on when they need it.

If you’re going through tough times, who will you turn to for support?

Technorati Profile

Most wonderful time of the year?

Ordinarily I might have been happy that Thanksgiving came early this year and we have an extra week between Thanksgiving and Christmas. That’s because I always thought Christmas was a magical time and enjoyed everything about it—decorating, baking, shopping and wrapping, sending and receiving Christmas cards. And the music—especially the music.

Life was simpler then, even those years as a single mother. This weekend, I can’t stand to listen to those songs that bring back memories of simpler, happier times. I’m heading right down the road to Grinchville where, most days, I feel I could become the queen Grinch!

It’s been a tough year for me in many ways, for many reasons. But my own problems pale beside those of an alcoholic struggling not to take that drink, the addict fighting not to relapse, or someone with a serious mental illness trying to stay on their medicine and be their best.

It’s the season when depression is prevalent, alcohol and drug binges are up, domestic abuse increases. Not so joyful.

But I’ve done a reality check and I know I have a choice. I can choose to be grateful, pray for my loved ones who are struggling, do something for someone less fortunate. Remind myself I cannot control anyone else but I can control my own thoughts and actions.

When it’s all said and done, maybe it won’t be such a bad holiday season after all.

Technorati Profile

http://www.austindailyherald.com/articles/2007/11/22/news/news3.txt

The Disease of Addiction

Five young people died of drug abuse during the last year in a small community outside Austin, Texas. The mother of 25-year-old Travis Morford, who died of an overdose of Xanax and alcohol, knew she had to do something.

So she and four other mothers founded Disease of Addiction, or DOA, to help people in their community think about underage drinking and drug use, and the risk of addiction. Kudos to them!

Their first public event, a town hall meeting at a local high school, was titled “I’m Your Disease” and drew 400 people. A great start . . . but can they really change the culture? Can they make a dent in the thinking that brought about the deaths of five young people in just one year? What do you think?

http://www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/local/11/23/1123addiction.html

Technorati Profile

'Life is kinda cool'

It’s been a few weeks since I saw an article in a California newspaper that I found inspiring.

A young woman is working hard to overcome her meth and heroin addiction and be a good mother to her two young daughters. Now a role model for other recovering women, she’s been clean for 16 months and is enjoying the little things in life—goofing off with her kids and clean, sober friends, drinking a soda at the movies.

What a great reminder when I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself. Despite all she’s had to overcome, she expressed it so well and so simply: “You take away the drugs, and life is kinda cool.”

Thanks for the inspiration, Mariah.

Technorati Profile

http://www.theunion.com/article/20070901/NEWS/109010151